Conversations with G-d.

Maybe it was the sun, or the wind, or the silence. Something this late afternoon swept across my body, telling me that my higher power put me here on this Earth for bigger things. I shouldn't be here, I shouldn't be selling clothes to shitty teenagers for a living. I shouldn't be sitting in bars next to people who will wither away in this small filthy city for the rest of their lives. I shouldn't be regressing, looking into the past, still wearing those rose colored glasses. Sometimes, I want to give big "Fuck you!" to this "higher power" anyway. Fine, you tell me I'm not leading the life you want me to? Then throw me a bone, man. You want me to travel the world, find what I'm looking for, help other people? Help me out then! Until you help me, help you, I'm going to crawl under my blanket in my cave [my studio apartment], turn the music up as loud as possible and forget about everything and everyone.

I feel like Mr. Higher Power is sitting somewhere out there in the universe shaking his head at me and grading me on every little mistake I make. I feel like right now I would get an F. A big fat, red F on this learning experience called Life. Hey, mister Higher Power, how are you going to grade my life? You dealt me a shitty first hand! I want a re-do! We don't get those? Well, then I want hints on how to make this game even steven now.

Alright, so here's the plan. I win the lottery. I put in my two weeks tomorrow. Just in case I get bored being a lady of leisure and want to work at some point during the rest of my life. I get my passport. I jet set around the world for a couple of years. Keep in contact with those that matter the most. Find a country, a city , a person I really love, grow some roots. Go back to school, and just have my job be to learn, just learn professionally. People will ask me my occupation, I'll say " Just learning." Find something I'm really passionate about. Find the cure for cancer or something! Have children and then I'll fulfilled my purpose. Will I have not?

I mean you have to tell me, I'm just learning.

And maybe Im too young to keep good love from going wrong
But tonight youre on my mind so you never know

When Im broken down and hungry for your love with no way to feed it
Where are you tonight, child you know how much I need it
Too young to hold on and too old to just break free and run

Sometimes a man gets carried away, when he feels like he should be having his fun
And much too blind to see the damage hes done
Sometimes a man must awake to find that really, he has no-one

So Ill wait for you... and Ill burn
Will I ever see your sweet return
Oh will I ever learn

Oh lover, you shouldve come over
cause its not too late

Lonely is the room, the bed is made, the open window lets the rain in
Burning in the corner is the only one who dreams he had you with him
My body turns and yearns for a sleep that will never come

Its never over, my kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder
Its never over, all my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against her
Its never over, all my blood for the sweetness of her laughter
Its never over, shes the tear that hangs inside my soul forever

Well maybe Im just too young
To keep good love from going wrong

Oh... lover, you shouldve come over
cause its not too late

Well I feel too young to hold on
And Im much too old to break free and run
Too deaf, dumb, and blind to see the damage Ive done
Sweet lover, you should've come over
Oh, love well Im waiting for you

Better said by him than me.

Cause everyone else but me can say what they want to.